Okay so my names Katie V. I got a new Lj... its called 2_wishes_wasted. Just incase you dont have that one. I will be deleting this one in a few months.. so yeah might wanna add the other one. I got a myspace too it's http://www.myspace.com/Nothing_is_Coincidence yeahhhhhh that's about all I wanted to tell you!!


-Katesss.


& its a never ending story, she always has something to say. :)

*... Exams are over, and a new beggining starts!...*

Well today was the last day of exams, and well... I think I am going to start new habbits.

**What I will be stopping on Monday.**

-Biting my nails

-Not paying attention

-Being shy

-Neglecting to do my homework

-Being a bitch

-Letting people take advantage of me (not in that way)

-Lying

-Being annoying (haha)

-Being lazy

...

**Things I will be starting on Monday.**

-Be bold, make new friends.

-Get to know the guy I like better.

-Work on my homework (if I have any)

-Trying to get A's in every class.

-Read more books.

-Play the Piano/keyboard more.

-Be a nice girl.

-Pay attention to the teacher/instructor.

-Exersize & eat better foods.

-Hang out with more friends. (go to the raven more.) haha megan I really liked it there.

-Be NEATER & more ORGANIZED!

-& Be myself, dont turn into someone else.

**Things I will be still doing**

-Going online around 7:30

-Writing in LJ & Myspace.

-Being funny, making people smile

-Being absent more then 2 days in a month :) :) what can I say, I get sick a lot?!! hahahaaa.

-Talking to all my friends I have now.

-& wanting to be a Choir instructor. :)

Well that's it... as you can see I deleted journal entries, and such. Haha. Sorry.

-Katesss.

Go here and see my MYSPACE. -http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=7219480&Mytoken=20050118141424-

'So here I am... Waiting.  waiting... still.'

- I dont know what I am talking about I am rambiling in this entry, it's about no one, I can reasure you that. But I cant sleep knowing that i've changed... from good to horrible in 6 weeks. -

You stare at the sky until the snow starts to fall & then... you know... its over. The season has changed, from summer to winter... it's cold now. Like everything else. Your friends, your ex's, even you notice you are cold. Cold, meaning a bitch. That's what you are. That's what I am. I don't understand, how I managed to get this way. I wanna change NO. I WILL change. Happiness comes rarely for me, so when it's here, I cherish it. But it's lost, it is under the pile of feelings I have locked away in my closet, never to be opend ever again. I wish someone could help me... anyone, fuck. I wanna feel loved, but I dont. I'm a selfish nobody, and I dont care anymore. I am going to change... will you help me? Or can you just not stand me... already? I love you all I do, you know I love you. Please help me. I'll make it WORTH your while.  I make you see... that I can be a better person. I can make you LOVE me. You don't believe me now, but you'll see. One day soon you'll see that you love me & that it hurts to look at me & know that i've lead you on. Why cant you live... the way I live? Are you as happy as you seem, or are you just as fake as I am? Do you understand my language? Do you see why I hide? No.. you don't. But I can see right through you. I really can. Go ahead gimme any test, and you'll see I am amazing, and I know you, without really knowing you. I dont think you realize what I am saying. I dont think you see what I mean. I will make this clearer for you... I used to hate you, but now all those memories, are coming back. Instead of me hating you, I hate me for what I have become, again. I was back... but you've changed me... you always do.  I can't love anyone, like I loved you. I cant see the person that I am supposed to be with out there. I wanna go back in time, and make things right. I wish i'd never met you. I wish I didn't move to this town. No... nevermind all that, I wish you were gone. You caused me pain, & now it returns. I cant think, stupid memories. Stupid boy. Shut up... SHUT UPPPPPP. Just leave. I cant think I cant breathe. I look for you. But I dont see you. I am alone. I like being alone. I hate memories that make me sad, & you... are one of the sadest memories I have. Do you understand? No of course not, I confused myself. I'm over everything, the memories just make me sad/mad. I fucked up, I am sorry. You always get what you deserve. yeah... that's true. I've let everything go, and now... i've forgotten you. You've forgotten me, promises are made to be broken, people are meant to die in the heart... My light for you, had burned out. I am glad. I am releaved. This is not even about you. it's about me... & how i've changed, I dont even know who I am. I dont know why, but I cant find anyone I really like. I hope this is a phase. I could say I loved you but I think that when you really love someone they will love you back... forever. & I was inlove with myself. I need help... Take my advise... keep her close forever, you were meant to be. I can feel it. Take my hand friend, and I shall set you free. (hehe)

I made thingy at myspace. I have no friends there. I am confused. I want something that can help me threw this; I want to fight this confusion and feelings alone. I am a big girl. Just love me, that is all the help I need. 

I love you... please say you love me too.

-Kates.

boys are stupid, girls are bitchs... but life goes on... & we all live. Not well, but we live.

*...This life will go on as planned, depressed or not...*


Now all the hurting has stopped, and the healing will soon be over. Someone once told me 'for it to get better it must get worse.' And they are right. Things go bad, people do stupid things. Whether it's drinking, cutting or doing drugs, taking pills. Some people even end up having to go get help. But one day, it will stop. And yesterday, I stopped, the hurting stopped, it all stopped. I felt releaved. I wish I could tell you how good it feels. I don't feel weighed down, or sad. I feel light, like a feather. I wanna soar threw the sky like a bird. I said I dont wanna fake laughing anymore, and I haven't in awhile. I think I am happy. I think I found happiness, within myself. By myself... And knowing that I can pick my own friends, my own life. My own way. I have the power to say 'no'. It feels weird, being like this... I really cant remember the last time I felt like this. Like nothing could bring me down. The last time I was like this musta been years ago... I don't even care what people think anymore. I wish you could feel what I feel. But one day.. it will get better for all of you. Just have hope, have faith. And just know that I love you and you are going to be fine. You are going to be okay. You will live through this... I will make sure of it. I bet there were times, like I had, where all you thought of was, 'I should go get drunk, and take my dad's gun, and shoot myself.' or 'maybe I should take this steak knife, and shove it through my throat.' But you know what... that only solves your problem, and makes one or more problems for the people the know and love you. Suicide... it's a selfish thing. No matter how you look at it... you can't prove to me, that suicide is not selfish. What is happiness? Is it real? Is it like love? Where you can only feel it and only you know if it's true. I don't know. But I do know, you can hide your sorrow very well. By being hyper all the time... and pretending that you are happy, if there is such a thing. You could wear pretty colors, but you know that none of those colors matter, there just decorations. To hide your saddness you can, just be crazy, wild, and exciting... just pretend your high. Or drunk. It all works the same... Or actually, go get high. Go ahead. go get drunk, then sick... see how you feel. It's never a pretty life. It isn't pretty until you say it is, and actually mean it enough to try and make it that way. You guide your life, either you go down the 'Drama road.' or down 'Cheery street.' it's your decision... no one elses. You let people push you around thats a couple feet down 'drama road.' You let yourself do things you know you shouldn't, you let someone break your heart, you hide your feelings, then your going down 'Drama rd' Do yourself a favor! turn around! Your never too late to turn around. Put down the drugs, and the pills. Go down 'Cheery street.' it's better then crying yourself to sleep every night thinking 'Why was I so stupid?' and regreting everything you've ever done that was stupid. Yeah everyone has had a regret, even if they say they haven't... they have. I have turned around and I am turning down 'cheery street.' So should you... I wanted to get off 'Drama road' That's why I labeled this LJ I_want_0ut... I bet you didn't even know that. My name is Katie, this is the end of my story ladies & gentlemen.



-Katesss.

'I'm not wishing on stars anymore...'


-ban regrets
-ban insecurity
-ban peer pressure
-ban hate
-ban stereotypes



-ban bad moods